Waiting

For as good of a runner as I am (or perhaps once was, considering that I'm in such poor shape that a 5-miler is now a long and incredible-energy-consuming run for me), life has used its second wind and kicked to catch up with me. The last few months of "Everything will be alright," "It'll all work out" and "Just have faith" have all of a sudden and unexpectedly morphed into simply, "Oh shit." All of my efforts of running this race that everyone calls life (How's that for the cheesiest of cheesy metaphors?) have deteriorated: In my pushing and striving and churning during this race, I've somehow been passed by the stronger and faster competitor that most people refer to as reality.

What a bitch.

I talked with my mother on the phone today (Okay, it's not technically fair to refer to her as my mother since I only use the phrase, "my mother" when she has made me mad or irritated) to figure out what the heck I am going to do come January when I don't have enough money to pay for my rent. Despite talking for nearly 30 minutes (Which I know, doesn't seem like long but I was on my lunch break and had little time for a long, drawn-out heart-to-heart nor the patience to wait to hear what she and my dad had decided), the two of us were unable to come to much more of a conclusion than waiting.

I hate waiting. I hate waiting simply because I am not a person who can sit back and sit patiently for something to occur. I am a go getter; a doer, if you will. But for some reason, I feel like I have been waiting; waiting for that something better to happen, waiting for things to get better, waiting for my life to begin. But, as my mom reminds me, "This...this waiting, anxious, scary, unknown fear and feeling you're experiencing day in and day out is life."

Seriously, what a bitch. Whoever thought that this is what life after college would be like? Aren't we all supposed to land stellar jobs, live in cookie cutter houses and pop out 2.5 babies with our incredibly amazing and loving significant others? I never imagined that food stamps, bill collecting callers and minimum wage jobs would be a part of it.

I for one, am defeated by it.

At least temporarily. More to follow. I guess I'll keep whoever may read this waiting.

For that, I apologize.