Dealing with Stress

Nobody likes to be stressed out. My general manager at Pottery Barn is stressed out -- so much to the fact that she actually was physically ill all last week and is walking around (rightfully so!) with a teeny tiny bottle of aromatherapy lotion to help calm her down (It's amazing what the holiday seasons will do to a person, especially one in charge of a major retail store in Portland. It has to be tough and the fact that she can do it with such grace and charm and slightly erratic neuroticism is respectable in my book. I know I would have totally gone off the deep end by now, trying to deal with all the glittery ornaments, intricate floor visuals and pending visits from Pottery Barn head honchos.). I am beyond stressed out. In addition to losing my extremely well-paying personal assistant job last week, I found out today that my mother is pretty darn sick and that my brother and his wife lost their baby.

I don't know how to deal with such loss. I mean, I've dealt with death before: my grandfather when I was a junior in high school, my grandmother right after I finished my junior year of college and then my other grandfather the end of my fifth year of college, as well as a friend from school in the same month as my grandfather's death. By no means do my losses make me a professional griever -- what a terrible job that would be. Rather, they make me even sadder with each additional mourning I must go through.

Whether we're rich or we are poor or struggling to even make ends meet, dealing with the stresses of every day life is going to eventually get to us. Today, the stresses of dealing with every day life -- loss of a job, loss of a future family member, loss of my ability to be a stoic, independent individual got to me. I totally broke down at work today, crying at the end of my lunch break in front of far too many of my work associates. You see, I'm not a person who typically offers my emotions to another person. Although I am a highly emotional person (which I see as an attractive, positive attribute to my personality), I usually fear letting other people see that side of me. Rather, I am someone who, as aforementioned, is stoic and independent. Yet today, stress got the best of me and made me a weeping, vulnerable person.

Stress made me human today. Which is new for me...not that I feel superhuman or better than others; on the contrary, I usually feel distanced from those around me because of my fear of letting others in. Furthermore I've realized that this transition period of "I don't know what the hell I'm doing working at a part time retail job and not being in school" is all part of being human. For the first time in my life I'm experiencing a down turn in my life. Like our current 'economic crisis' I am experiencing a negative shift in resources. Of course I have fewer funds but more importantly (maybe?), I have less in my emotional strength bag to draw from. However, I have learned through my experiences today that where I am richer is in my relationships. Not only do I have coworkers who care for me (Nobody made fun of me for having a mascara streaked face at the lunch table), I also have friends who are willing to endure tears, snot, beer and the movie Airplane (my all-time shadoobie hits the fan flick)...as well as my crazy crying emotions.

And that makes me pretty lucky.

I still think I'll invest in some aromatherapy lotion. I think my GM is on the right track with that.